Blog the Magic Gathering

A poor man's blog for Magic the Gathering (MtG), Wizards of the Coast (WoTC), deck construction, cards, combos, game play, MtG podcasts, etc.

What is "Magic: the Gathering"? Magic is a collectible fantasy-themed playing card game kinda combining Uno, War, Chess, and art dealing: match colors, draw 4, high card beat low card, different cards attack in different ways while you ogle hot chicks and dragons drawn by your favorite artists on cards you can sometimes sell for big money.
It's Pokimon for grown ups. Srsly, get your Pokimon player a Magic deck and they'll instantly sprout pubes and consider a career as a mathmatician.

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Monday, February 8, 2010:

 

Worst Magic Card Ever: Razor Boomerang





Razor Boomerang 3
Artifact — Equipment Uncommon
Equipped creature has "T, Unattach Razor Boomerang: Razor Boomerang deals 1 damage to target creature or player. Return Razor Boomerang to its owner's hand."
Equip 2
"Few can catch it without losing a finger."

This card is a misprint, they meant to print:
"Few can play it without losing."

This card would seem to suggest someone has a pathological vendetta against Krull, maybe 2 designers were competing to see who could make the worst card that would still get printed (Note how this card's art is totally mocking Bull Rush?). Honestly, I presume there is a designer sitting back and laughing at how much people think this card sucks, because he knows there will be a killer combo for it and he's waiting for the look on people's faces when he tells them and they say "Wha-whhaaaAAAT?" Until this killer combo is revealed, I yet again stand up to defend another possibly misunderestimated Magic card and struggle to find a deck for...

The Worst Magic Card Ever!


Problem 1: It costs too much to cast.

Stoneforge Mystic 1W (2)
Creature — Kor Artificer
When Stoneforge Mystic enters the battlefield, you may search your library for an Equipment card, reveal it (usually good for a 1st game laugh when you menacingly and dramatically reveal Razor Boomerang), put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.
1W,T: You may put an Equipment card from your hand onto the battlefield.
1/2

There, 33% off. On sale at Instant speed, ACT NOW!


Problem 2: It cost too much to equip.

Kor Outfitter WW
Creature — Kor Soldier
When Kor Outfitter enters the battlefield, you may attach target Equipment you control to target creature you control.
2/2

There, Free Shipping! Buy one get one free!


Problem 3: It only does 1 damage.

27 creatures in Worldwake have toughness 1
125 creatures in Standard have toughness 1.
...and...
Mire Blight B
Enchantment — Aura
When enchanted creature is dealt damage, destroy it.



Problem 4: It taps a creature.

Quest for Renewal 1G
Enchantment
Whenever a creature you control becomes tapped, you may put a quest counter on Quest for Renewal.
As long as there are four or more quest counters on Quest for Renewal, untap all creatures you control during each other player's untap step.

Maybe you want something more in your color?

Veteran's Reflexes W
Instant
Target creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn. Untap that creature.

That's 2 unexpected damage and no tapped creature, but wait, there's more!

22 cards in Standard have or give Vigilance, so you can attack and THEN ping something/someone. Cerodon Yearling, Kazandu Blademaster, Shield of the Righteous, Steward of Valeron, Asha's Favor, Griffin Sentinel, Ajani Goldmane, Joraga Bard, Scornful Æther-Lich, Stoic Angel, Beacon Behemoth, Cloudheath Drake, Serra Angel, Shepherd of the Lost, Bull Cerodon, Captain of the Watch, Felidar Sovereign, Meglonoth, Nacatl Hunt-Pride, Skyward Eye Prophets, Godsire, Sphinx of the Steel Wind, or get your degree, you can major in Business Management or Accounting. (I totally lifted that joke from Chewie of The Mana Pool.)

There are also cards which can untap, such as:

Tideforce Elemental 2U
Creature — Elemental
U,T: You may tap or untap another target creature.
Landfall — Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, you may untap Tideforce Elemental.
2/1

Twitch 2U
Instant
You may tap or untap target artifact, creature, or land.
Draw a card.


Postive aspects of Razor Boomerang:

It's colorless, you can use any color mana to cast it.

It's colorless, you can do colorless damage and 14 cards in standard have or grant protection from at least one color: Kor Firewalker, Black Knight, Sejiri Steppe, Brave the Elements, Goblin Outlander, Great Sable Stag, Kabire Angel, Malakir Bloodwitch, Nacatl Outlander, Sphinx of the Steel Wind, Valeron Outlander, Vedalken Outlander, White Knight, Zombie Outlander. What can you do about them? I'll tell you: use Colorless damage.

Being colorless, Razor Boomerang will do damage without triggering Nemesis Trap, Ricochet Trap, Slingbow Trap, Refraction Trap, Permafrost Trap, or Stone Idol Trap.


Let's take a look at some other cards we might want to look at:

Kitesail Apprentice W
Creature — Kor Soldier (1/1)
As long as Kitesail Apprentice is equipped, it gets +1/+1 and has flying.
[Fear of tapping? No problem. Just equip Razor Boomerand on Kitesail and fly on in for 2, then when Kitesail is going to bite the big one anyway, tap him and get your revenge.]

Glassdust Hulk 3 W/U W/U
Artifact Creature — Golem Common
Whenever another artifact enters the battlefield under your control, Glassdust Hulk gets +1/+1 until end of turn and is unblockable this turn.
Cycling W/U
3/4
[Razor Boomerang goes back to your hand, so cast it again and again. This big guy loves it.]

Mire Blight B
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When enchanted creature is dealt damage, destroy it.
[Suddenly, pinging doesn't sound so bad now does it?]

Glaze Fiend 1B
Artifact Creature — Illusion
Flying
Whenever another artifact enters the battlefield under your control, Glaze Fiend gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
0/1
[More repetitive goodness.]

Scrib Nibblers 2b
Creature — Rat (1/1)
t: Exile the top card of target player's library. If it's a land card, you gain 1 life.
Landfall — Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, you may untap Scrib Nibblers.
[It untaps.]

Esper Sojourners WUB
Artifact Creature — Vedalken Wizard (2/3)
When you cycle Esper Sojourners or it's put into a graveyard from the battlefield, you may tap or untap target permanent.
Cycling 2U

Fatestitcher 3U
Creature — Zombie Wizard (1/2)
t: You may tap or untap another target permanent.
Unearth U

Quicksand (0)
Land
t: Add 1 to your mana pool.
t, Sacrifice Quicksand: Target attacking creature without flying gets -1/-2 until end of turn.
[more colorless mana, more colorless removal.]

Lodestone Golem 4
Artifact Creature — Golem
Nonartifact spells cost 1 more to cast.
5/3
[Everything but Razor Boomerang becomes expensive.]


...and last, but not least, a consistant MVP from Worldwake:

Everflowing Chalice 0
Artifact
Multikicker 2
Everflowing Chalice enters the battlefield with a charge counter on it for each time it was kicked.
Tap: Add 1 to your mana pool for each charge counter on Everflowing Chalice.
[One of these late game makes just about anything affordable, especially if you can UNTAP it.]


Stoneforge Mystic, Kor Outfitter, Veteran's Reflexes, Kitesail Apprentice, Glassdust Hulk, Tideforce Elemental, Mire Blight, Glaze Fiend, Scrib Nibblers, Esper Sojourner, Fatestitcher, Quicksand, Lodestone Golem...

Razor Boomerang: made for Esper.

[In an unrelated note: My technorati claim token is QWPZ3G8BQ288]

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Thomas Painter   
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Prosperity of Agony (Neo Academy, Pros Bloom, etc)

2 Bazaar of Baghdad
2 Tolarian Academy

4 Black Lotus
1 Candelabra of Tawnos
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4 Mox Pearl
4 Mox Ruby
4 Mox Sapphire
4 Time Vault

3 Braingeyser
2 Channel
3 Demonic Tutor
2 Tendrils of Agony
4 Timetwister
2 Wheel of Fortune

3 Ancestral Recall
2 Fork
2 Hurkyl's Recall
2 Orim's Chant

 
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